Contact Improvisation

Wow! I just watched the most amazing video for one of my classes. It was all about the style of dance known as contact improvisation. The video was entitled Common Ground. It showed how even people with disabilities can participate in dance. Contact improvisation involves stretching, rolling, balancing, sharing weight with a partner, and relaxing muscle tension. It is a type of dance that can be done equally between partners...even if one partner is disabled and the other is not. The goal is to communicate through the sense of touch. I thought it was wonderful to see people in wheelchairs be able to lean, balance, and move in a way that was so freeing to them. I think so many people with disabilities feel so trapped by those disabilities. I don't mean just physically. I think they feel emotionally and mentally trapped as well. This type of dance allows both disabled and non-disabled people the opportunity to get out of their comfort zones and interact in a positive way. When I was watching this video, I was thinking how therapeutic this type of dance is for everyone involved! It opened my eyes to something I was completely unaware even existed!

Thanksgiving

Ahhh...Thanksgiving. The warms smells of turkey, homemade rolls, and apple pie baking in the oven fill the air...as the women work away in the kitchen! As I have grown older, I have become a little bitter about Thanksgiving. Why is it that the men get to lay on the couch watching football while the women are in the kitchen frantically cooking and cleaning?

I really got frustrated the other day as we were planning for Thanksgiving. When I inquired about what time we would be eating, one woman replied, "Well, we will have to eat between football games." Ughhhhhhhh.... Apparently football has taken the place of good old family bonding.

I have to say that I don't look forward to Thanksgiving. I will spend the day trying not to walk in front of the television as I serve appetizers to the men lounged about in the living room. I will also have to try to keep the children from running through the living room. Heaven forbid, one of those guys misses an important play! After we hastily eat dinner between ball games, I will be one of many women cleaning up the kitchen. This is just not a good time in my book! But, as usual, I will put a smile on my face and grin and bear it...along with most of the female population in America!

Women and Religion

Women and religion. This is an extremely difficult subject for me. I am a very faithful person. I believe in God with all my heart. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that God has a plan for all of us. Religion, or should I say spirituality, runs a deep thread through my life.

But, there are some things that disturb me about religion. I am a strong, independent woman with a voice. I often times find my voice lost in the male voices of my Southern Baptist upbringing. I do not think that wives should be submissive to their husbands at all costs. For one reason, this is unrealistic in today's world. Typically both men and women have to work to support their families. Therefore, I think they should have equality in their marriages. Secondly, I think women should be able to hold leadership positions within a church. By this, I mean they should be allowed to be ministers. Luckily, over the years, I have seen the tides turning in this direction. We have a woman Children's Minister in our church. I know of several other Baptist churches in our area that also have Children's Ministers that are women. But, this is not the norm. Thirdly, women should not have to stay in abusive marriages just to please their husbands. I do not think God meant for women to be battered and beat down. These are just a couple of my concerns I have regarding the negative qualities of religion.

On the other hand, there are many positive things about religion that I love. Church does provide a place for women to gather and socialize. There is great power in fellowship and friendship. I think this sense of belonging gives women feelings of worth and value. Church also provides women many leadership opportunities such as organizing events, teaching Sunday school, directing Vacation Bible School, etc. I am all for women being brought together in meaningful, positive ways!

So, I have conflicting views about religion. I think there are times when it can be overly extreme and other times when it is too passive. But, I love the Lord and I hope to be with Him in Heaven someday! Therefore, I'll stay faithful...

Dying to be Thin

I just watched the most disturbing documentary about eating disorders. Part of the film was based on ballet dancers. It was scary to see how those dancers are expected to be as thin as twigs. The instructors were telling these girls that they needed to lose weight even when it was obvious they were grossly underweight. These girls were so incredibly talented. But, to have to be so consumed by weight issues caused grief to the majority of them. Another part of the film focused on a girl who had been sexually molested. She had zero self-esteem and self-worth. She basically began starving herself because she felt like eating (or not eating) was the only control she had in her life. All the girls featured in this documentary had to go through therapy and rehabilitation to help with their eating disorders. Why do we have to live in a society where girls feel so pressured to be so thin? And, why are there so many creepy men out there molesting young girls? Things need to change. The whole thing saddens me deeply.

Labor of Love

As women, don't we all just love doing laundry, cooking dinner, washing dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning toilets and taking out the trash? NOT! Most of the responsibilities of child rearing and managing our households falls right into our laps. And, does anyone notice? When was the last time your husband said, "Wow, Honey! These floors are so clean you could eat off of them!" You most likely cannot remember him ever saying that to you. Has your child ever thanked you profusely for hauling him/her around to all his/her sports and school related activities? Probably not. The truth of the matter is that, as women, we are expected to do all these things out of love for our families. That sounds awfully nice in theory. But, is it really fair that we have to juggle all of these tasks on our own? No. I personally think we can offer a lot of love to our families and also include them in some of the housework.
When I discussed this with a friend of mine, she looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "You know, it takes a lot less effort just to do it yourself. I tend to exert more energy trying to get my kids to help me out than I do when I just do things myself." For most of us, that is probably true. I simply think that if we could take on the challenge of re-programming our families to help us, then the rewards would be phenomenal. The outcome would be worth the effort.

Riverbend

Wow. I am uncharacteristically speechless. I just finished reading some (more than 5!) of Riverbend's blog posts. I am filled with so many emotions. Anger, sadness, surprise...I have to sit here a minute to mull it all over.
I feel completely ignorant. I am so embarrassed to admit this, but I had no idea Iraq was such a developed country...at least before the war. Riverbend is such an articulate, smart woman. She had a good career in the computer field. She is educated and has spent time abroad. She was able to wear pretty much what she wanted to like jeans and t-shirts...just like my daughter and her friends wear here in the U.S. I guess I just thought all Iraqi women were subservient to the men. I only know of the images I see on television where the women are wearing the clothing completely covering their bodies. But, women there were just like we are here in the United States. I say were because it seems like that may not be the case for them in the future...an uncertain future at best. Riverbend said she made pay equal to that of the men she worked with. That is definitely not always the case in America! And, women made up 50% of the workforce in Iraq. Just like here, they held jobs such as nurses, teachers, doctors, engineers, computer programmers, etc. Iraqi women enjoyed movies, shopping, and other activities that women here in the States enjoy.
I always pictured Iraqi men as goat or sheep farmers who rode camels. I guess I never took the time to think about how they had jobs in occupations much like those in the United States. Riverbend is right. I never even pictured Iraqis as being economically stable.
After reading her posts, I came to the conclusion that families in Western countries and non-Western countries are basically the same. Men and women work to support their families. Children go to school. Families attend church together. Family members love, support and worry about each other. They also argue and fight with one another. Family dynamics are family dynamics regardless of the geographical location of the family.
Unfortunately, the war in Iraq has forced families there to face situations that they would not normally have to face. Riverbend says that women are in danger of being attacked, raped, or abducted when they leave their homes. She will not leave her house wearing pants anymore...only dresses and skirts. Many women who did not wear the hijab (head and neck scarf) before now wear it to protect themselves. The majority of the country is unemployed. People are not able to take care of their families. There is the fear that anyone of her family members or friends could be killed at any moment for no apparent reason. I cannot even imagine living in that kind of fear and not knowing if it is ever going to end.
After reading Riverbend's blog, I feel like the war has crushed an entire culture. It saddens me greatly. I feel confused. I know I am going to be thinking about this for days and days to come. Like Riverbend says, the bottom line is that we all have "mixed feelings in a messed up world."

Medical Care

I find medical care in the United States to be a joke. I pay an incredible amount of money for health insurance every single month. I work in church ministry. Our insurance man told me that our premiums are so high because we are in a group with a lot of ministers. Apparently, ministers are really stressed out people. They fall into a "high risk" category. Therefore, my premiums are high because I am in their same group. I am going to be looking into other insurance plans very soon!

Just this morning, I was talking to a friend of mine who had her claim denied. She is now having to go through the whole appeals process. This is the crazy thing...she actually went to an emergency room of a hospital that was in her "network." The only problem was that the physician that treated her in the emergency room was out of her "network". Does that make sense? She assumed, as would I, that a doctor within a hospital that is within your "network" would also be in your "network." Wrong. She found out the hard way that many hospitals contract physicians to work in their emergency rooms.

Another friend of mine is a physical therapist. She told me she would get so frustrated when she would have to deal with the insurance companies. This is how things would work. She would call an insurance company to have a procedure that she needed to do on a patient pre-approved. Someone that was paid hourly and untrained in the medical field would answer the phone. They would open a big book that described various health conditions. If her patient didn't fall into the guidelines of what was "normal" (in the eyes of the insurance company), the claim would be denied. For example, she had a patient that was experiencing some pain in her hip. After the hourly paid worker at the insurance company asked my friend a bunch of questions, he said, "Well, your patient should not be experiencing that kind of pain for her age or weight. Usually people who are much older and have a history of osteoporosis have those symptoms. Therefore, we cannot cover the claim." That would make my friend so mad. I mean, here she is a trained specialist with a patient who clearly has those symptoms but the insurance company won't cover it. She told me she spent more time haggling on the phone with insurance companies than she did working on patients.

So, much needs to be done in the health insurance industry here in America. Our system is definitely flawed!

Body Image

It bothers me tremendously how obsessed our society has become with how we look. What disturbs me more is that this phenomenon of looking beautiful has trickled down to our children. Last year I had a little girl in my pre-k class that was constantly worrying about how she looked. When the children would play dress-up, she would put on the prettiest "princess gown" she could find. Then, she would turn around and around looking at herself from all angles in the mirror. She would ask all her friends, "Does this make me look fat?" How sad is that? But, do you know where she got this behaviour from? Her mother. Yes, her mother is a friend of mine and she is completely obsessed with her physical appearance. The sad thing is that my friend is absolutely gorgeous...on the inside and out! She is one of the sweetest people I know. She has tons of friends, a nice house, and a great home life. But, it is not enough. She is so insecure about her looks that she spends hours upon hours thinking how she can improve herself. I wish she could love herself as much as all her friends and family love her!!!

Doormats

Why are some women such doormats to the men in their lives? They are the type of women who take all kinds of abuse from their husbands and boyfriends. They stay in unhealthy relationships where they do not have a say in how they run their own lives. Abuse does not have to be physical. I have a friend who is so emotionally and verbally abused that she goes through life numb to everything. Her husband cannot hold down a job. Yet, he expects her to work two or three jobs and take care of their four kids. Yesterday we found out that they are at least $1,000 in the hole this month. Her husband balanced the checkbook wrong. So, they have overdraft fees up to their ears. My friend told us that she didn't have any food in the house and her kids went to school hungry without breakfast. She said she was going through her kids clothes to see if she could sell any of them to the consignment shop. That way she would have a few dollars to put gas in her car. Now this is just wrong. Her husband is perfectly healthy. He does have the ability to work. I don't know if he is just lazy or has too much pride to take a job that only pays $10 or $12 bucks an hour. At least that would put food on their table! In my eyes, he is a big loser.

My friends and I have gotten together and chipped in some money to buy some groceries for our friend. Last night a couple of my friends dropped the groceries off at her house. They even went to the gas station and filled her car up with gas. Our friend was so grateful. She thanked them profusely through a stream of tears. Her husband said nothing. He didn't even help them carry the groceries in from out of the car! He is so ungrateful! Ugh...

As a group, my friends and I have mixed feelings about helping this family. We love our friend. But, this same situation has been going on for years and years. Someone is always bailing them out of tough times...over and over again. We want to help our friend and her children. But, we don't want to keep enabling her husband to treat her that way. The bottom line is that she feels trapped. She feels like there is no way she could support herself and four children on her own. But, her husband certainly isn't being supportive right now. He's never done a good job of supporting them. I think he has her so brainwashed and beaten down emotionally that she has no confidence left. Therefore, she continues to live her life as a doormat. How completely tragic is that?

Managing Your Life

Today I went to hear a speaker at our church. I did not know what topic she was going to be speaking about. I just knew that she's been on Oprah and everyone said I needed to hear her speak. I am really not one to give into peer pressure. But, Oprah is Oprah. Enough said...

At any rate, I found myself in a room full of young moms of preschool children. I am not going to mention the speaker's name because it is irrelevant. But, she was speaking on the topic of managing your household. Now, since my daughter has gone off to college, my household consists of me...which means I can pretty much do what I want when I want to do it! Yes, that aspect of the "empty nest syndrome" has been liberating. My point is that her topic didn't really pertain to me. But, I listened because a)if it helps my preschool moms, it helps me and b)for goodness sake, the lady has been on Oprah!

The speaker really had some good points. One of them was that your husband and children really have absolutely no clue what it takes to keep your household up and running. Therefore, it is your job to tell them. You can even go on her website and print out the list of all the stuff that has to be done to run your household. This way you can show your family and have proof. Then, you have to work on "team building" with your family to get them to help you accomplish all those things on the list. Secondly, she said it is important to make your house a home. It doesn't have to be perfectly clean and beautiful all the time. And, if you are obsessed with making it clean and beautiful all the time, then you are probably pretty much making your family miserable. I have seen this first hand. My sister-in-law used to vacuum two or three times a day. She would mop, dust, clean toilets, do laundry, and make a home cooked meal every single day. She was really subconsciously making herself miserable. And, her family was feeling tortured by her demands. No one in the house was happy. I don't know what happened. But, she has lightened up so much over the years. The sad thing is that she missed out on making a lot of memories with her children because she was too busy vacuuming. Some lessons are learned the hard way.

Anyway, as I was listening to this speaker, I was thinking about our studies about women. Yes, we are expected to be it all, do it all, and have it all. In theory it is nice to think that our children and husbands would just love to jump in there and happily help us out with everything! Unfortunately, that is not how our society programs our genders. Women still do most of the domestic work even if they work outside the home. Most women I have talked to say that it is easier to do it themselves then have to nag their family to help them.

Kudos to this speaker for trying to get us to all take steps in having a more equally balanced home. I'm all about people feeling more in control of their lives so they can have time to stop and enjoy it all! So, ladies, put up those vacuum cleaners and do something fun!

Language

Interesting...The other day, I was browsing through my women's studies readings when an episode of "Ugly Betty" came on. Yes, I was reading and watching t.v. at the same time. There is no crime in multi-tasking. At any rate, Betty was planning a "Professional Assistants" day. I think that is what she called it. It was something kind of official sounding like that. The joke was that everyone kept referring to it as "Secretaries Day" which was annoying Betty to no end. This episode hit a bit close to home for me. I work in a church. When I began working there, secretaries were called secretaries. Over the past 18 years, their titles have changed several times although their jobs have remained relatively the same. They have been called administrative assistants and ministerial support staff among other titles. I think now they are called ministry assistants. I think the pastor's secretary has the word executive somewhere in her title. I guess when people think of "secretaries", they still visualize women in cardigan sweaters running around simply making coffee. Well, our ministry assistants still make coffee and some of them do wear cardigans. All I know is that, no matter what their title, they are invaluable to our organization. Our church would fall apart without all of those women and all the behind the scenes work that they do!

Babies

I love babies. Fat ones, skinny ones, pale ones, dark ones, happy ones, fussy ones...I love them all! Maybe I should say I love other people's babies. I have one child. I love her dearly. But, she is almost 19 years old now. And, I loved her when she was a baby and I still love her now. But, I do not want to have any more babies. I am 41 years old. I am still relatively young. I am sure my eggs are still fertile. I could technically still give birth to a child. But, having a baby when you are in your early 20's is much different than having one when you are in your early 40's. My brain and my body do not function nearly as well now. I need my sleep. I cannot even fathom getting up several times in the night to feed a baby. Just the thought of it exhausts me! I also couldn't see chubby me chasing around a chubby toddler. I would probably have to stop 2 or 3 times for a rest/water/oxygen break before I ever caught the child!

I guess my questions are this: How do women decide how many children they want to have? And, how do they decide when the time is right to have a child?

Now, I am not stupid. I know sometimes these are not decisions under a woman's control. There is the issue of finding the right man to have the baby with. There are sometimes fertility issues involved. You know, one of my friends said, "I really didn't consciously think of those questions. I just have a really frisky husband." Alrighty then...that works for her. And, yes she has 6 children. I'm still trying to figure out how she found the time and privacy to make more babies with her frisky husband. You know, some things are better left unsaid.

Another friend of mine is in her mid-forties and has two preschoolers. She simply didn't marry the right man the first time around and she was very career driven when she was younger. So, here she is on the verge of menopause chasing two little kids around. Thank goodness she is skinny and in excellent health. She also wears good running shoes.

My brother and his wife tried for 8 years to get pregnant. They finally did invitro fertilization. They had a baby boy and 5 months later my sister-in-law got pregnant again naturally. I guess her body just needed a little jump start.

Since I was a little girl, I knew I would only have one child. Somehow I knew she was going to be a girl. And, I always knew I was going to name her Natalie.

I guess it doesn't really matter how many or when women have babies...as long as they (meaning the moms and the babies) are happy and healthy! I am just excited that women today have more choices when it comes to the whole baby thing!

New Parent Orientation

I am the Director of a preschool program. Today was "New Parent Orientation". It is the time when parents come to a little meeting and I address the whole group and talk about policies, tuition, etc. I never really dread this day because I love, love, love talking in front of large groups of people. In my normal day to day life, I really don't like being the center of attention. But, give me a microphone, and I turn into a complete limelight stealing attention hog. At any rate, I never quite know what to expect from my "audience" which is basically made up of young moms and a few young dads. Sometimes when I am talking to them, they look at me like deers got in headlights. Other times, they nod like they are hearing what I am saying but I don't have a clue what they are thinking. Well, today I got a little bit of both. Quite frankly, it was a bit uncomfortable in the meeting at first. Don't get me wrong. I am not dissing my students' parents at all because coming to parent orientation can sometimes be the equivalent of going to the dentist and having teeth pulled. It can tend to be intimidating. Well, there I was rambling on about being on time, sending your child to school in tennis shoes, labeling everything, etc... And, I was getting absolutely no positive response at all. So, I had to resort to plan B. I began telling corny jokes about potty training, how kids tell their teachers all their family secrets, etc. Suddenly, the mood in the room changed. People began to lighten up and they were actually kind of giggling at my dumb jokes. At least, I think they were laughing at my dumb jokes...maybe, in hindsight, they were just laughing at me and not with me. Anyway, they were laughing and that is all that mattered. I think when I began talking about things that they all could relate to, they ,as a group, realized they were basically all in the same parenting boat together. How does all this relate to this women's studies class? Well, I think that women as a whole tend to question their parenting skills. Kids don't come with handy instruction manuals. You can't just flip the easy button and fix everything. Parenting is the most difficult job anyone can ever have. I think women feel like they have to be super moms 24/7. There is no perfection in parenting...only trial and error. Instead of tearing ourselves up about what we are doing wrong as moms, we need to congratulate ourselves on what we are doing right!